Jason on Cars

There are days when your life is bad, when your friends don’t call and it rains and you are so broke McDonald’s Value Meal sounds expensive. I’ve been there. But then there are days when you can drive a BMW Z4 3.0 through winding roads, sun shining through the summer trees, top down and feeling the 85 degree air whip hair into a tangled mess. Those are the days I feel like I’m in a commercial, and that I truly am blessed, and a bastard.

In fact, that’s 94% of everything wrong with this car. When people see a young, 31-year-old guy driving a BMW Z4 on a summer day with his young wife sitting shotgun, you immediately gain their disdain. I had so many people NOT let me merge, NOT let me into traffic, and generally NOT look at me with nice expressions. I can understand, driving this car, I must look like a guy who has it all, and probably hasn’t had to work that hard for it. Whether or not that’s true is not up for debate. When people see you in this car, that’s what they’ll assume.

As a huge fan of the 3-Series, I was pretty excited to get behind the wheel of the 5 and see what she would do. While the 5 never had the looks of it’s smaller, sportier looking sibling, I didn’t dislike the old 5’s stylings. The Bangled-styled 5 isn’t bad either, but to me says more of a father’s car than a sports car, yet I was hopeful it would still deliver thrill in the drive.

Unfortunately, it’s more of a father’s car.

There is no doubt that the 255hp engine will help you go fast, and you’ll get there rather quickly, but you never feel like you’re actually moving quickly. The turning is a little slower, the weight transfer is a little more strained, and the throttle a little thicker. The 3 feels like a 6-year-old kid standing at the gate of Disneyland, all you have to do is say “go,” but the 5 feels more like a teenager standing against the wall at the dance; willing to move if asked to, but not going to make the first move without you.